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Smile, you're awesome!

I think we all should have the same mentality of this baby. Every time you look in the mirror know you're awesome! :)

Pass it on

Today leave a note somewhere,  don't address it to any certain persons, just write it. In this note be sure to write something that would make someone feel good inside. Be sure to write "Read Me" on the front. Go to a public place, and when no one is looking drop it. Someone is bound to pick it up and who knows maybe they'll read it, and maybe you'll make they're day.

Remember

We must always remember that we are here on this earth to find joy and to find the one who loves us. I realized this morning (or more late last night) that I'm 17 years old and I'm flipping out about a break up that happened three weeks ago. I knew when I got into the darn thing that if it ever ended it would hurt. But ya know, I've learned a valuable lesson; listen to those who love you and are looking out for you, because ultimately those are the people who will stick with you in the end. I know now that I need to remember that someday I'm gonna meet a guy whose going to love me and who will never leave me. That's something I think everyone should remember, someday soon everything thing will be a million times better. :)

Six Months

The past six months have been the craziest six months of my life. And it all started with me getting a job. I had been looking for a job for an extremely long time, when suddenly the opportunity arose. It was suggested that I try to get a job at a local high school as a custodian. I filled out an application and with the help from a boy in my Ward I was able to get the job. It made me happy to have a job and also to have it with a boy I had been crushing on (this being the boy who had helped me get the job.) However, sad to say I came on to him too strong and he resented me. I was hurt by this because I didn't know what I had done. Well in the mean time I found myself befriending a girl that I'd known for years. She was a good friend for me at the time, she helped me though a lot of things that I was going through with my parents. Yet there was one effect on me that she had that one could consider to be a bad influence; she taught me how to be selfish. She taught me to take what I wanted, when I wanted it. Up until this point I had thought my life was pretty bad, but I see now that it was actually a fairly easy life. Granted I had no clue how to express myself or how to control my emotions (this still being something that I struggle with.) So in befriending this girl I was also signing myself up for a great load of challenges. I do not blame any of my actions on this girl, she opened my mind in a way no one else could have, but I am aware that I made the choices I made because I wanted to make them. The first of my mistakes was coming home late from work, often times going out with my friend to do things but telling my parents otherwise. The I began to desire companionship. I wanted a boyfriend. First I tried dating one if my previous boyfriends, the relationship lasted two weeks, then he broke up with me. I'll admit, I wasn't too hurt by him leaving me, the boy rejecting me at work had hurt more. Then I began too look around me at the boys whom I knew nothing about and I found a boy who seemed perfect. He was kind and funny, we shared similar interests in certain things. He was almost like the girl who had become my best friend. So I began to get involved with him. However, I had another friend who warned me, telling me that this boy would probably just end up using me. I didn't listen, I didn't care, he seemed to like me now and that's what I wanted. So I took him to meet my dad...again the warning came that he would just use me. But again I didn't listen,  instead I began to date him. I would lie to my parents and go see him, telling them I was out with friends. Two weeks past and then my parents found out that I had gone behind their back. I was extremely grounded. They considered taking my phone, my room, and they banned me from talking to either him or my friend from work. I was livid. And my parents were livid, and also disappointed. They no longer trusted me and they let me know it. I tried to talk to him about it, tried to get him to try to work it out with me. I let him know that if we wanted it to work he would have to help fight with me...I don't think that's what he wanted, because a few days later he basically told me that I had been a rebound. My heart was shattered,  I cried myself to sleep that night knowing that I should have listened to the warnings I'd gotten, that I should have never gotten involved with him. I had let him in, in a way that I had never let anyone before and it hurt that he wanted to leave. The next morning I woke up at three a.m. and knelt down to pray. I prayed long and hard, begging for the chance to stay with him, but also if it were still to end, I asked God to please help me with the pain that would come. Well, he still broke up with me and I still tried to keep my attitude light and I promised that I would never allow myself to be mad at him. I talked to him a few times, but it hurt. I still wanted to be with him, yet I was being forced to contain my desire. After a while the hurt got to me and I snapped at him...apparently that one little snip was enough to cripple our weak friendship. He hasn't talked to me for a while now and the pain that is inside me has begun to whither. But nonetheless, it is still there. I know I've been played, and it kills me. I hate myself because I still want him, I miss him, but I will never have him again. There are points in the day where I get angry and I say to myself, "So what! I'm amazing, and he shouldn't matter." Yet still the moments come where I want to cry because if the hurt my heart feels from him ignoring me. I've started to let myself like others, a little, because I can't help myself. I crave a person at my side. So I sit here now, at a loss. I want him still, but its obvious he doesn't want me. I was just a toy, a toy that he had promised I would not become. He hurt me, and still I want him...isn't life funny? Sometimes I hate my heart. I hate how much it can hurt in just six months....